haifa part 1: the ditz, the asshole and the nudist

I have stayed in a fair number of hostels. They're cheap. Sometimes they're clean, but not usually. The Port Inn, in Haifa, was VERY clean. I walked in the door and was excited by the clean floors, clean walls, lack of dingy carpets and lack of nasty smells.

It does however happen, in traveling and in life, that when one part of the whole seems so good, the rest is not always so. Such is the case with the Port Inn, Haifa. Which is run by a most bizarre combination of Norman Bates and Basil Fawlty. My traveling companion Ilana and I went to check in at our nice clean hostel. The very pleasant young woman behind the counter took our names and wrote down our passport numbers. This took two tries even though her first language was American English. Then she took our money (a deposit on the keys, and would we like to pay in advance?) Yes we would. This took another couple tries, at which point her boss piped in.
"NO NO NO, you're doing it WRONG, THIS is how you do it." Ilana and I looked at each other, uh oh we thought.
"Look," replied the young woman. "I'm not THAT stupid, I know what I'm doing."
Just for the record, she was struggling with making change and with the math involved in taking deposits and with the math involved in writing receipts. But she was getting it done.
"Then why don't you do it right the first time!!" Yelled the asshole.
Ilana and I stood there quietly, feeling for the young woman who wasn't really doing it WRONG, just maybe not right.

Ilana and I then made the mistake of asking about the Bahai Gardens, one of Haifa's many attractions. The young woman started telling us one way of getting to the gardens, then she detailed two more ways. Here the asshole piped in again.
"NO NO NO, don't tell them that way," he screamed. He proceeded to berate her and repeat her first set of directions at the same time. Ilana and I took a deep breath.

The young woman gave us a tour of the hostel. It was long and awkward. Have you ever had a tour of someone's home where you learn all sorts of information that you aren't interested in (and didn't ask) about a grandfather's collection of civil war memorabilia and how best to keep moths out of old quilts? Yeah, kinda like that.

We got up to the room, having learned about the patio; how to access the hostel in the event that the reception is closed; how to access the hotel in the event that the keyless entry doesn't work, which it always does; and how to use the shower (no really, she told us how to use the shower).

Finally, she brought us to the co-ed dormitory. "I'll bring you sheets in just a few minutes she said, but let me show you the room" Really I thought? Is she going to show me how to climb the ladder to the bunkbed as well?

We walked in. A sixty year old Austrian ex-pat (living in Sweden) was lying, without a shred of clothing anywhere near him, on a bunk bed, in the co-ed dorm, in the Port Inn, in Haifa. With a speed and assertiveness I was not expecting, the now uncontrollably giggly tourguide shooed us from the room.

"Excuse me," she said, between giggles. "I'll go tell him to get dressed, he really shouldn't be naked in there." The young woman went back into the room, and between more bouts of giggling I heard something about public places and the need for clothing, etc.

Ilana and I stood there, in the middle of a thought process that can only be described as Fight or Flight. We looked at each other once more, took a deep breath, and opened the door. The Austrian Nudist now had a sheet draped across his middle. It left very little to the imagination. The still giggling young woman told us about something, I can't even remember what. Then, still giggling, she left the room. I put my bag down, Ilana put hers down, and we got ready to depart for a little walk around and a bite to eat. The Austrian Nudist turned to us and pleaded his case.
"It's far to hot in here," he said. "How can they expect us to wear clothing in heat like this? They should really turn the air on."

No dude, you should put some pants on and sweat it out like the rest of us.